


Would it be a sin (falling in love with you?)

by sunflowerrs



Category: Produce 101 (TV), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 19:34:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21041615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflowerrs/pseuds/sunflowerrs
Summary: Some things are meant to beTake my hand, take my whole life tooFor I can't help falling in love with you





	Would it be a sin (falling in love with you?)

**Author's Note:**

> so uhhh it's 4:57 am, I just vomited all this and am posting it unbeta'd, so if you see any mistakes please let me know. this is based on a fmv I made a few hours ago: https://twitter.com/seungyulovebot/status/1183987285894844422  
I hope you like it ♡

Maybe love wasn’t the right word yet, Hangyul thought as he laid down on his bed watching his teammate, X1's Cho Seungyoun, lay down on his own bed, probably sleeping.

  
He isn’t dumb or new to this, he has been there before. It all felt like a dejavu from day one as he felt his heart beating faster just to the sight of the other man. He’d been there before.

  
Of course he couldn’t miss the way they got closer during Love Shot and how that messed with him, having to deal with clingy and flirty trainee Seungyoun. He knew that it was all for the cameras, of course, but still. Messed with him, just like years ago.

  
But obviously it wasn’t love. The fact that Seungyoun was checking him out everyday when they were on different teams didn’t mean anything other than a good friendship. Yeah. Just like…

  
Maybe it was a brotherly love. Everyone could see how they clicked almost instantly, their good chemistry being one of their strong points during Move. Maybe that’s the reason Seungyoun promised him they would debut together even after they lost. Because they were like best friends and should be together.

  
Sure, best friends shouldn’t make youfeel butterflies in your stomach, or make you daydream about a relationship you couldn’t have. Best friends usually didn’t sleep with you in the same single bed, whispering promises they didn’t know they could keep.  
But maybe it was a different kind of friendship.

  
Come on, everyone knows how unusual they both are, so why couldn’t their friendship be unusual too? It wasn’t a big deal to hold your best friend's hand and promise to be together forever even after the most nervous night of their lives ends. It shouldn’t be a big deal to smile to the point of hurting your cheeks or jumping even with a hurt feet because your friend was keeping his promises.

  
Oh, that was different from that time. Right?

  
And maybe, just maybe, it _was_. Hangyul allowed that thought to come to the front of his mind, stealing a glance to his roommate, who now slept peacefully. Maybe he was feeling it all.

  
But he shouldn’t. Oh, he wouldn’t. Because as different as it was, he wasn’t willing to let one sided love get on his way again.

  
So he shut it all down, burying these thoughts on the back of his mind as he focused his all on the debut ahead of him. He was grateful for the promises coming true, but he was even more grateful for his dream coming to live, and that should be his priority.

  
Be it love or not, just like years ago, it had to die.

  
Maybe it was love. Maybe Seungyoun knew since day one that it would be love. Maybe he knew even before they got together in the same team for the first time.  
Maybe it was love that made him the happiest when he and Hangyul were both chosen by Donghyun to his team, allowing them to be partners on stage for the first time.

  
And perhaps it was that feeling that made him worried sick about his friend’s injury, making him cross the dorm just to check on him when they were apart.

  
It probably was that what made him smile so big when he saw Hangyul standing up to greet him on Move’s training room, knowing they got this. And he was sure that he was blind by it when he hugged Hangyul that night after their defeat, promising the younger boy they would debut together no matter what. It was an empty promise, he knew it, but he wanted to keep it. He would do everything to keep it.

  
And he did it, God knows how. They did it. Against all odds they both made their debut, becoming teammates for the next five years.

  
And okay, Seungyoun accepted it. It was love that made him reach for Hangyul’s hand when they were choosing roommates. He was selfish, but he was moved by love every time he asked the younger to stay with him only a little bit more, to hang out just a bit longer, to keep him company in the studio. It was selfish, but he thought it was worth it. And couldn’t even feel guilty about it.

  
Because that was all he could get.

  
It was love from day one, yes. But it was their dreams from day 0. It was their lives, and the other boys too. He couldn’t risk it. He also couldn’t risk their friendship for something that would go nowhere, they having their idol lives and Hangyul having in Seungyoun only a friend to rely on.

  
So he enjoyed what he got, and tried to be happy just like that.

From the outside, it was really easy to see how mutual it was.  
From day 1 they hadn’t been apart for longer than minutes. Be it in the dorms, in the studios or even in their free time. They were glued, always together.

  
From the inside? It was becoming clearer too.

  
The two of them started to slowly realize it, for different reasons.

  
Hangyul wasn’t good in hiding his feelings, letting it overflow him and engulf him whole, making it impossible to run from it. So it wasn’t hard to notice the constant heart eyes, the need of some specific affection, the need to be close even if just in the same room, the jokes thrown only to make that specific smile appear. It was so easy to read everything he tried to bury inside him during those first weeks.

Seungyoun was a bit more careful, but not that much. He’d cling to others and joke around all the time, living like life was nothing but a big play. In the details were where he’d show it. In the way he’d always wait and check on him, in the way he could laugh for minutes on a stupid, simple joke, in the way he’d always ask for ideas and say “_we_ need to decorate _our_ room”, making it clear he didn’t plan to change it anytime soon.

  
So it wasn’t a big of a surprise when it all changed.

Be it the overseas mood or heat, be it the energy after one of the many festivals they went to or be it just Hangyul finally giving himself a break and letting himself get what he wants. Honestly he couldn’t care less.

Because he knew it was love when a loud and clear “_aishiteru_” was whispered to him. He knew it was love when he felt like his heart could explode after seeing _that_ smile, the one he could now recognize as _his_. He knew and he was so, _so_ happy.

It wasn’t hard for him to master up the courage to decide and talk to Seungyoun, ready to be honest about his feelings, not afraid of rejection anymore. Oh, it was _so different_ from that time.

What was hard was to make it real when Seungyoun walked into their hotel room smiling shyly at him. It was hard to keep his cool and not let his head spin, feeling dizzy.

It was so hard that he didn’t even notice himself walking towards Seungyoun, only realising it when they were too close.

“Am I a fool for rushing in?” Seungyoun muttered, looking him in the eyes, his own eyes glimmering. Hangyul shook his head. No, he wasn’t. “Is it a sin?”

Hangyul's right hand slowly came up to cup the other’s face, his breath now stuck on his throat, everything he planned to say gone.

“Maybe some things are meant to be” he said, his voice barely a whisper. His left hand held Seungyoun’s own hand, interlacing their fingers. “Take it. Take my hand, my heart and my whole life, too”

Seungyoun sighed loudly. It was love, but maybe they shouldn’t do this. He was happy it was mutual, but they couldn’t risk everything. He felt one tear coming down his face.

All his thoughts vanished when he felt a pair of lips on his cheek, drying the tear. He looked down at Hangyul, who had his own eyes filled. Without much thinking he closed the distance between them, leaving chaste kiss on the other’s lips.

“I’m sorry I can’t help falling in love with you” he said as he let his forehead rest on Hangyul’s shoulder. Hangyul let go of his hand to hug his waist, pulling him closer.  
He hugged back, feeling small.

It was love, no more maybes. It was different, but also the same. They couldn’t do much beyond feeling, and it was bittersweet to be loved like this.

  
_It was love, but…_

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are always appreciated and welcomed. also come talk to me on twitter, I'm @xuexiian xoxo


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